While in Newport, I was sitting at the kitchen island in my friend Lana’s house.  She was cleaning her counters.  We had spent a few days working on her house together and we were taking a break between projects.  She told me that she had been on the phone with her mother that morning, telling her about the work we had been doing.  She said that as she spoke with her mom, she picked something up to put it away and found herself walking intently, with purpose, to the place where that object belonged.  It struck her that she had never walked quite like that before while cleaning up.  Then she realized that she was doing MY walk.  She had noticed the way that I move around my house on countless visits.  Apparently, I have this quick and determined way of marching around my house when I am cleaning up.  She did an impression of me as I sat at her kitchen island and I nearly fell on the floor laughing.  I recognized myself instantly even though I have never given a second’s thought about how I walk.

See Lana’s impression of me here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6RomyJiX7s

I have the organizational gene but I’m not interested in spending half my life cleaning.  So I’ve created systems wherever I live where everything has a place and when it gets messy, I go on a tear getting it back to normal.  There are certainly life factors that add to my need for structure, order, and cleanliness, but I think just as much of it is innate.  When I was growing up, I lived on a boat with my dad and also in an apartment with my mother.  I needed to be organized with my clothing, schoolwork, and schedule or I would end up needing my cross-country uniform for a meet only to realize it was at the place I was not.  Necessity is the mother of invention, and an insanely organized crazy person was invented in me back in the 1980’s!  Fast forward twenty years and I can barely make it through the day without labeling something with my label maker (in fact, I burned mine out while organizing Patronus.  Christmas gift tip….)

Now that we are all settled on Patronus, I was itching to organize something.  One day, Lana went to the grocery store and when she came back I had organized her laundry room as a thank you for letting us do loads of wash.  I was getting ready to apologize in case she felt I had invaded her space, but she was really excited about it and loved how it looked.  I jumped up and down with excitement and might have clapped a little.  I begged her to let me do more.  She looked around and pretty much said, “Have at it.”

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” –William Morris

I had noticed that she had a junk drawer.  I’m not a big fan of junk drawers.  Who wants a drawer of “junk” in their home?  I suggested we go through it and set it up as a small outpost of her office, with a spot for keys, a cute bowl for coins, and basic office supplies.  After hearing my not-so-subtle tirade on the evils of junk drawers, she was a bit afraid to tell me that she actually had more than one junk drawer.  But I got very excited as I realized that this little exercise was turning into an actual PROJECT.  I love projects!!!

I cleared out a spot in the living room and brought all four junk drawers in and dumped them out in a pile.  At this point, Lana excused herself and allowed me carte blanche.  I called her in a few times to ask her if something was important, and she just called over, “Don’t even tell me.  I don’t want to know!”  Dave helped me identify keys, important receipts, and some other items and before long, we had a cute little “office drawer” and another drawer dedicated to electronics and chargers.  I can’t even describe the feelings I experienced as I put TWO EMPTY DRAWERS back in the kitchen.

Next up: the bathrooms and linen closet.  Lana and Dave have a great linen closet and several bathrooms.  But I had noticed that they weren’t set up as efficiently as they could be (that is me being very, very diplomatic).  After collecting health and beauty aids from every corner of the house (nail files from the old junk drawers, Q-Tips from the bedroom, humidifiers from Calan’s bedroom), we dumped everything on the floor of the hallway and set up the linen closet with shelves for towels, bins for first aid supplies, a “guest bag” to have for overnight guests, and all the typical categories for nail care, hair care, shaving, etc.

Earlier that day, Lana thought she was out of shampoo.  When we finished, we had -more shampoo than CVS.  I was compelled to institute my trademark “Use It And Get Rid of It” plan.  We brought all the random, half-used shampoos, conditioners, and body washes together and put them in the shower.  I explained how they had to keep using the items, starting with the ones that were emptiest, until they were all gone.  Then they could go to the store and buy two of each item in their favorite brand: one for the shower and one or two as back-up.  We do this “program” at home when the travel-sized health and beauty aids get out of control or when Chris can’t stop buying peanut butter on sale.  It’s very popular.  Just ask Chris and the kids…

Finally, I made labels for each drawer and shelf and made Lana promise to get a label maker.  She was excited about going out to buy some pretty baskets to jazz up her bathroom (did I just say “jazz up”?  What? Now that I’m forty I have to talk like my grandmother?).  She thought that the project might even get them motivated to finish the bathroom renovation they had started in their master bedroom!

As opposed to satiating me, this project got me hungry for more.  But it was late and we needed to feed the kids.  As we finished eating, I suggested that Lana go downstairs and “eyeball” the basement storage room so that we could work on it some other time.  She procrastinated for a bit, so I headed her off at the pass when we kissed the kids goodnight in the basement playroom.  I started talking to her about what was in there, what she used the storage room for, and how she envisioned it in her dreams.  As I spoke, I picked up a box and peeked inside.  I pulled something out that was broken so Lana put it in the garbage.

And that was all she wrote.  Quicker than you can spend $1000 in West Marine, we had every box opened up, on the floor, sorted out, repacked, and back on the shelf.  Lana was bringing box after box of items up to the garage for the dump or to be donated.  Next thing we knew, our plan to “eyeball” the room had turned into three hours and we got the room 80% finished.  She needed Dave to help make some decisions on the rest of it and she couldn’t wait for him to get home to do it.

We left the next day and when Dave came home, they banged out the rest of the project.  Lana was so excited when she called to report back that she and Dave were inspired and on a roll.  Over the next week, they were on a tear through their house.  The little that Lana and I had done together had jump started them to find the motivation to tackle a number of clean-up projects in and around the house, from getting rid of old electronics to cutting back the ivy that was encroaching upon the driveway.  Every time I spoke to one of them, they were moving forward.

The most gratifying part of the experience was seeing how light and open their beautiful home was becoming.  No longer bogged down by years of possessions (not to mention the weight it puts on our shoulders), it appeared happy and ready for some new fun.  Lana and Dave reported back that they, too, were feeling light and unburdened.  The work had gotten them working together as a team, communicating about their home and belongings, and refocusing on what was important to them: their children and their own relationship.  Wow, right?

A week later, after a lovely time in Martha’s Vineyard, we returned for the Newport Boat Show.  We were sad that Dave was away in Chicago, sailing in the Farr 40 pre-worlds (which they won).  It was amazing to see how much they had done in the house in one short week and how much of an effect it had on Lana.  Speaking to Dave on the phone, he was just as excited and happy to have a home that now reflected his love of order.  Lana was game for more, so we hit the kitchen cabinets next.

“Simplify, simplify, simplify,” said Emerson.

Thoreau replied, “One simplify would do, Ralph.”

(I found this online.  It’s authenticity is more than questionable, but it’s super funny.  Well, for an organizational bibliophile geek like me.)

You know how things always look much worse before they look better?  Here’s a picture of the project about two hours in!  We had every cabinet emptied and were tackling each category one by one: pots and pans, Tupperware, baking dishes, platters, spices, etc.  Lana was ruthless.  We picked each item up once and she made a decision: throw out, donate, or keep.  We made countless trips to the garage and I could tell that Lana couldn’t wait to make her next trip to the dump.  In fact, packed her van to the roof and dropped off a full load at Big Brothers and Big Sisters before the weekend was out and arranged for another pickup of items she wanted to donate this week!

By the next morning, Lana was practically whistling as she made pancakes.  She said she loved where everything was now located.  It was efficient and made sense.  She was able to get her electric griddle out without moving her mixer, cleaning supplies, and crawling on the ground.  I was just happy that the “Fish Food/Coupons/Water Bottle” drawer had been dismantled.  If you have a similar drawer in your house, like a “dish towel/incense” drawer, please just don’t tell me.  I am finally able to sleep again at night…

 

We only had one more day before we left Newport.  We could have competed in a triathlon together (but Lana injured herself playing soccer and I came to the realization that I really don’t like running).  We could have taken the kids to the corn maze (but they were so happy just playing and running around).  We could have gone to her Women’s League soccer game (but then we wouldn’t get to talk to each other since she’d be playing).  Instead, we spent our last hours together going through her closet.

Clothes!  I had reached the mother lode.  Everyone who loves to organize appreciates the fact that clothes pose a deeper and more difficult challenge.  Our homes are certainly close to our hearts.  Our possessions can hold special meaning and we can be loathe to part with that chipped vase we got as an anniversary gift twelve years ago.  But clothes can be more personal.  More sentimental and emotional.  And clothes have the added wallop of making you look right smack in the face of your Body Image.

The way we dress ourselves clearly tells a lot about us.  Sloppy, neat, colorful, plain, conservative, trampy, minimalist, anti-establishment, accessorized, creative, really-trying-hard, varied, old-fashioned, refusing-to-grow-up, modern, and more can be conveyed by the way we put together one top and one bottom.  Some people care more.  Some people care less.  But we all dress ourselves and we all put some amount of thought into what we purchase and choose to put on.

At this point in working on Lana’s house, I was so impressed by her ability to get rid of things, make quick decisions, and move on, that I was surprised when we didn’t get very far before I met with some resistance.  Lana is not interested in all the current styles and doesn’t enjoy shopping.  She has two sisters and much of her wardrobe consists of clothing that was given to her as gifts for holidays or passed on to her.  When going through her clothes, I saw mostly all the same things I’ve seen her wear since I met her in 1996. It was frightening for her to see these familiar and comforting things go into the “donate” pile.

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” –Albert Einstein (who is now cringing to think that his insightful words of wisdom are being used to explain how someone figures out their relationship with their clothing.)

When I told her my philosophy for dressing, Lana became fearful that she would be left with an empty closet.

“Only keep what makes you feel absolutely gorgeous.”

This concept took a while to sink in.  We stopped going through clothes and just talked for a bit about feeling beautiful and gorgeous.  She argued that she isn’t into clothes and doesn’t want to spend a lot of time on it.  I told her that I completely agree but that if you just fill your closet with a few great, flattering outfits, you never have to think about clothes again.  You know that any outfit you put on will look FABULOUS.  It is just as easy to pull on ugly, outdated, unflattering pants as it is to pull on wonderful ones.

She would hold up a sweater and say, “I like this sweater.  I’m keeping it.”  I asked her why she liked it.  “It’s feminine.  It’s good to wear in the summer.”  I asked her how she felt in it.   “I like it.  I’m keeping it.”  I noted that she wasn’t convincing me that she felt beautiful in it.  I told her about a shirt I had that was amazing and pretty.  I bought it for that reason.  But when I put it on, it just wasn’t flattering for my body.  I wanted so much to love it, but even though it really was a beautiful shirt, I always felt a bit self-conscious and not my most beautiful in it.  I eventually decided that it would be better if someone else enjoyed it.

We went through her closet and found three outfits that at least came close to making her feel gorgeous.  We determined what it was about these items that was different than the rest.  Once Lana believed that there might exist more clothes out there in the world that could make her feel the way these three outfits did, she was much more inclined to get rid of the clothes that do not.  There she found the opportunity to see herself living life in a slightly different way.

The other reasons for keeping clothing were easier to let go of: my relative gave it to me (you wore it, you appreciated the thought, let it go); I look good in pink (yeah, but it’s from 1986); it’s comfortable (they make comfortable clothes that make you feel gorgeous); it’s practical (they make practical clothes that make you feel gorgeous); etc., etc. By the way, somehow the bridesmaid’s dress ended up in my pile!  Soon I’ll need someone to come to MY closet!

In the end, Lana’s closet was almost empty.  But what she had left were pants that looked really great on her and a bunch of tops that were modern, flattering, youthful, and comfortable.  She had enough variety to go through all the seasons and had outfits for working out, picking the kids up from school, or going on a hot date with Dave.  Her homework included buying a new pair of Lucky jeans and finding a great, versatile pair of black pants from Ann Taylor.  The new plan did NOT involve “losing weight”, “getting back into those size 6 pants”, or “learning to like how I look”.  The new plan didn’t involve any big changes at all.  Lana looks absolutely fabulous, right now, in everything that is in that closet.  Yay!!!

It was still a shock to look at the piles of clothing Lana was getting rid of.  She went through a lot of emotions about the sentimentality of her clothing as well as thinking long and hard about body image.  While still a bit scared, Lana noted that she already felt lighter.  She was so happy that she would never again have to move those bins of clothes up to the attic for summer and back down again for winter and through move after move.  She was even excited about going through her shoes after we left.

“The best things in life… aren’t things.” –Art Buchwald

It was such a privilege for me to spend this time with my soul friend.  I love that I had this small, little gift to share with her.  I love that her gifts of friendship to me are never-ending and given just as freely.  As she sashayed down the dock yesterday to bid us farewell, I noticed not her clothes, but the look of beauty, confidence, and energy in her face.  Happy Re-birth-day, Lana!  If only we had a few more days and a label maker…NOTE: Stay tuned for a follow-up Guest Blog by Lana, describing the experience from her perspective.