Category Archives: Erica

Thuh Vin-yahd

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To Martha’s Vineyard

September 5-September 13

New Feature: I figured out how to make one movie from all the videos from one port.  Let’s see how you like it!  It’s big, so don’t play if you don’t have a decent internet connection.  You can also click the youtube button to play it in youtube instead.  The video is available on our youtube.com channel: conwaysailors.com

 

“I don’t know who named them swells. There’s nothing swell about them. They should have named them awfuls.” -Hugo Vihlen

Do I have to write about feeling seasick?  It’s really bad enough dealing with it the first time.  Can we just say that we left Newport on the 5th in cloudy weather and headed towards Martha’s Vineyard in heavy winds and 7-11’ seas?  Before too long, Reese, Porter, and I were lying in the aft berth together, waiting it out.  Bryson and Chris were up on deck and apparently Bryson was feeling pretty awful as well.  As soon as we got to the Vineyard Sound (four hours in), the wind died and the waves calmed down.  We all popped up, feeling better instantly.  Snacks and drinks ensued and soon we were pulling in to Edgartown Harbor, which feels like home to us.

We love Martha’s Vineyard, and especially Edgartown.  We have been visiting this island for many years now, by boat and in rented homes, and it is just as magical as it always is.  If you haven’t been there, it is a good –sized island.  It has several large towns, set in the various corners of the island.  Each town has its own history and its own feel to it.  We love Edgartown for its easy and relaxed yet pretty and classic feel.  The houses are captains’ homes from the 1800’s.  Almost all the houses are white clapboard with black shutters.  Some have widow’s peaks and you can picture the captains’ wives standing up there watching for their husbands to return from sea.  It always makes me think of the French Lieutenant’s Woman.

Today, the small, downtown area is filled with shops and restaurants.  There are a few t-shirt shops and a couple of ice cream shops.  The rest are lovely boutiques that call for just browsing, but maybe, just maybe you can snag something great after Labor Day, when many stores have 50% off sales (I maybe, just maybe, got a few things before we left, but don’t tell Chris because our magic closet seems to have reached its limit).

our comfy guest room in the glow of sunset

We got a mooring through the town and packed up a few things.  We headed in for some dinner and went to Art and Mary’s (Chris’ dad and stepmother) new summer house.  A storm was coming in, so we decided to stay overnight.  Their new house is beautiful and comfortable.  It felt like a dream when we sank into their king-sized bed in the guest room.  I believe my words were, “I am never leaving this bed.”

 

 

oh, to be 11 again…

The next day, we got to take real-sized showers and we packed up their cool new Jeep so we could head for South Beach in Katama.  This is the ocean beach on the south shore of the island.  The waves are perfect, the sand is pretty, and we had it almost to ourselves.  We are usually here in August, so we really got to enjoy the post-Labor Day benefits!  We stayed all day, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chips.  We read, dug holes in the sand, and played in the water.

reading my acupuncture book on the beach. thanks sue!

Porter does his spelling homework, Patronus-style

The next day, we went to our other favorite beach, State Beach, which is between Edgartown and Oak Bluffs.  State Beach is on the Nantucket Sound and has the loveliest water, with little lapping waves.  It is perfect for kids with the added bonus of being next to the bridge featured in Jaws (Jaws was filmed on Martha’s Vineyard).

The beach club seen in Jaws. “That’s some bad hat, Harry.”

People jump off the bridge into the water, but since it is technically not legal, we had to skip it this year.  A certain little girl in our family is quite adamant about following the rules, and we knew she would personally drag us down to the police station if we dared make the leap.  One year, I saw Meg Ryan on this beach, which is, like, only the third famous person I’ve ever seen in real life, so don’t worry that I’m going to start name-dropping…

Bryson and Reese doing a science lesson on jellyfish (the clear, non-stinging kind)

Aunt Kathleen helps Porter play Apples to Apples

On Friday evening, Art flew up from NJ with Colleen and Kathleen (Chris’ half sisters, who are 15 years old).  It was great to see them and catch up on what we are missing back in New Jersey while telling them all about our trip.  The next day we went back to State Beach with the girls, which was wonderful.  They played with the kids, we all swam together, and we enjoyed another day in one of our favorite places.

Chris and Art chatting on the beach

PB&Js on the beach…

Reese orders her first appetizer

That night, we went to a lovely dinner at Lure, in Katama, right by the ocean.  It was a great meal and the kids were very impressed with the Kid’s Menu, which included appetizers.  Reese was so excited about how grown-up this seemed so we let her order the crudité while Bryson began with the Cheese Plate.  It was really cute.  Reese also had her first experience with French bread pizza.  She didn’t even know what it was.  My, how life has changed.  I think by her age I had eaten about 9,000 french bread pizzas in my school cafeteria!

Skal! (cheers in Norwegian)

All the kids at The Lure

On Sunday, Mary was able to join us and she and I went shopping.  Chris and Art watched football and the kids (guess which one was probably watched more?).  I love shopping with Mary, because her response to every question is, “I love it!  Buy it!”  But seriously, I was very, very good because we are on a serious budget and we just don’t have room for anything more on Patronus.  But 50% off at Lily Pulitzer?  Come on…

new friends

As the day went on, I got more and more excited about our afternoon plans.  Our  Blog Friends, the Boyers, were finally going to be Actual Friends!  Last year, we had found this family online.  They were planning a year-long cruise as well.  They left just a few weeks before we did and we have been so excited about meeting up with them en route.  Wendy contacted me when they got to Edgartown and we met them at….you guessed it….the ice cream shop.  Craig and Wendy have three girls aged 13, 11, and 6.  Bryson, Reese, and Porter hit it off with them right from the start while Chris and I soaked up our time with this couple who have chosen such a similar path.

Erica, Wendy, Craig, Mary, Chris

Porter and Olivia: two peas in a pod

While the kids played, we talked about our inspiration for taking this voyage, our boating experiences, and the various and sundry issues that had come up thus far.  We compared notes on favorite places, such as Somes Harbor,Maine and Bristol, Rhode Island.  We agreed that figuring out how to get to the Caribbean was a work in progress and that, like much of cruising, our plans seemed to be written in the sand at low tide.  Either way, we hoped that we would cross paths many more times throughout the year.

waiting for our dinner at Atria

Reese and Kate swinging around and around…

watching the fish being cleaned and fileted

After enjoying a great dinner together at Atria, we took the kids to watch the weigh-in for the Fishing Derby, which had started that day.  The kids were already begging to spend more time together, but our friends on Anything Goes had to get started early the next day for Mystic.  We will see them again in Annapolis, Maryland in a few weeks.  If you enjoy our website, you will love theirs at www.threekidsandaboat.blogspot.com (see our Links in the left margin).  Wendy is MUCH BETTER at posting updates in real time!

Boat schooling at Art and Mary’s house

All of a sudden, everyone was gone and it was just us again.  We were getting into a pretty nice routine with homeschooling (after about a week of grumbling) and we just kept going to the beach.

 

 

 

 

 

driving stick on the beach roads. so cool!!!

I really enjoyed driving Art and Mary’s manual transmission Jeep around the island.  (Now that my minivan is gone, I am intent on getting a stick shift again when we return from our trip!)  On Wednesday, I really had fun when we took the Jeep on the “ferry” to Chappaquidick.  We drove on the sand/dirt roads to Wasque Beach to the see the breach between Chappy and South Beach.  Originally, Chappaquidick and Martha’s Vineyard were connected and the bay between them is called Katama Bay.  Over the years, the thin spit of land that connects the two islands has been breached, or washed out, by the ocean.

Chris and Porter on Chappaquidick

Chris on Chappy with Katama Beach in the background

For the past few years, the breach has been pretty big.  We were surprised when we saw how much sand had started to gather just off the beach.  A new sandbar was being created and it looked like it would eventually grow to meet back up with South Beach again.  The change in the topography and the power of the ocean was awesome to watch.  The waves were crashing far off-shore near Seal Island, a new island created by the massive amounts of sand washed away in the breach.  The rip tides are so fierce because of the new sandbars that there is absolutely no swimming allowed on Wasque Beach and there are scores of signs reminding everyone of just how dangerous the water can be.

the kids check out a fish a fellow beachgoer found

Our little “vacation” on Martha’s Vineyard was simply lovely.  We enjoyed staying in a house for awhile and returned to Patronus feeling like we were coming home.  I had had my fill of laundry and showers and the kids had enjoyed running around.  Chris had his football and I had WiFi.  (I also took way more photos than I could jam into this update.  So I am going to publish another post just for the rest of the pictures.  I knew this day would come….)  On September 13th, we left Martha’s Vineyard for a lovely spot we discovered last year: Cuttyhunk, in the Elizabeth Islands…

till we meet again, Martha’s Vineyard…

I love….the beach.

Bristol, Rhode Island

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Bristol, Rhode Island

September 1-September 3

Two months in.  Ten to go.  What better way to start the third month of our family adventure than sailing together with friends in one of our favorite spots in the world?  We have spent a lot of time with Dave, Lana, Liam, and Calan Armitage this summer.  It has been a joy after years of living so far apart.  They live in Portsmouth, which is on the same island as Newport, Rhode Island.  We know Dave from racing on High Noon (Chris’ dad’s boat) in the nineties.  When he first met Lana, he brought her to Block Island Race Week and we hit it off right from the start.

younger versions of ourselves…

The four of us have enjoyed a friendship that includes strong connections between each person.  We have celebrated our marriages, the births of our children, new homes, and personal successes.  Because of the distance between us, our visits have mostly been long weekends at one of our homes, complete with full days of fun, play, and excitement and late nights full of talking, laughing, and sharing our deepest thoughts and dreams.  What ices the cake is that our children all get along famously and require only intermittent snacks thrown at them to keep them happy while we chat, work on projects together, and make food.

Dave hanging with the kids on deck

We were all looking forward to an overnight trip together on Patronus.  The Armitages have been fierce supporters of our voyage since we shared our dream with them over a year ago.  Dave is a son of a sailor (like Chris), so he gets us.  Their sons are learning to sail in Newport, and Lana has enjoyed being on our boat many times.  She never got tired of listening to my lists of things to do last year as we prepared to depart (or at least didn’t let on, being the fabulous friend that she is).

We had fun choosing where to go for our Labor Day cruise and finally decided on Bristol, Rhode Island, which lies up the river from Newport.  On Saturday morning, we loaded all our provisions and set sail at 1300.  It was a gorgeous, crystal clear day with winds from the East at 5-15 knots.  We headed under the Newport Bridge, which is always fun for the kids.  As Chris and Dave walked around the decks inspecting hardware, sails, and lines, it became apparent to me that I was going to be driving the boat.  Dave, who is a professional sailor, gave me some great pointers and Chris got excited every time I gained time on another cruising boat that was headed the same way.  It’s always fun to race when the other boat doesn’t know that they are racing against you…

“The days pass happily with me wherever my ship sails.” -Joshua Slocum (who went slightly further than Newport to Bristol…He was the first man to sail solo around the world.)

More than once, Dave and I looked at each other and swelled with the joy of just being out on the water, sails up, kids hanging their legs over the side, and not being in any kind of rush.  As a racer (like us up until 2 1/2 months ago), Dave is used to a very different sailing experience.  Racing at his level is done on tricked out raceboats with very little in the way of comforts down below or up on deck.  From the moment you get on the boat, the goal is to GO FAST.  Not to “look at the sun glistening on the water”.  Not to “listen to the waves lapping on the hull”.  Not to “watch your children’s bright faces as they swing on the boom”.  And certainly not to think, “Hey.  Whenever we get there is cool.”  Dave looked like he could get used to cruising in about 47 seconds.

happy happy

We were headed up the river towards Bristol, but we had all day and we were enjoying being together.  There were lots of other boats out on the water- enough to lend a party atmosphere to the scene and not so many that it felt like “traffic”.  The kids played up on the deck, had snacks, and spent time playing cards down below.  We listened to music up on deck as we sailed back and forth across the river.  The best part was when Calan got interested in helping us tack (turn the boat).  We assigned him a job and the next thing we knew, all the kids were involved.  This is know for sure.  Tacking with kids is NOT FAST.  But it is the cutest thing ever.

See the kids tacking the boat here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQLbVQmt9g0

By 1630, we were moored in Bristol, Rhode Island.  Folks, this is one of the cutest towns I’ve ever been in.  Imagine the historic homes of Wickford (RI) or Portsmouth (NH), the maritime atmosphere of Newport or Marblehead, and the shops and restaurants of Ridgewood (NJ).  But we didn’t get to town just yet.

Big moment: Liam swings off the halyard!

 

love this picture!

After securing our mooring, the kids all threw on their bathing suits and jumped into the water.  They played on the paddle board and jumped off the boat over and over again.  Soon, we were all swimming and Chris pulled out one of the halyards.  Dave and Chris had a blast swinging off the bow of the boat and dropping into the water and soon we were all taking turns.  It took me awhile to work up the courage to try it because I’m not crazy about jumping off heights, but once I did, I was just as hooked.

I stood like this for about 15 minutes…

Am I only one who thinks this is frightening?

Ok fine. It was AWESOME!!!

 

magical. romantic. lovely.

We played way too long and late and the kids were ravenous, so Chris whipped us up some amazing shrimp scampi and soon we were all satiated and happy.  The kids slowly dropped off to sleep and the adults camped out up in the cockpit under the stars, drinking great wine, sharing stories, talking about our goals in life, and cozied up in the chilly air.  We dreamed about meeting up in the Caribbean this spring as we skinny-dipped under the moon. They are excited about chartering a boat in the BVI’s and sailing along with us for a week.

Famous Dave, as Reese now calls him

When we woke up the next morning, we knew right away that we didn’t want our magical time together to end so soon.  We reserved the mooring for another night and headed into town to explore with the kids.  Our first stop was the Herreschoff Museum and America’s Cup Hall of Fame.  If you follow us on Facebook, you saw the pictures in real time, but here they are again.

 

 

 

Dave is a two-time America’s Cup competitor (1995 and 2000) so visiting the Hall of Fame with him was amazing.  His picture is in the museum so we took lots of pictures.  We watched a film about the history of the America’s Cup and his boat was featured in it.  We all cheered when we saw it and his sons were so proud of him.  It was very exciting. (If you don’t already know, the America’s Cup is the “oldest trophy in international sport” and the hardest to win. It is the race that coined one of the best sporting quotes ever: “Your Majesty, there is no second.”  Check out more at http://www.americascup.com/en/about/history.)

There’s Dave’s picture!!! How many 38 year olds can say they are in a Hall of Fame museum?!

We also saw all the vintage, restored boats at the museum.  The kids loved exploring them and Chris and Dave admired the lines and the exteriors   I enjoyed moving slowly through them, imagining myself living in a different era, when dark varnished interiors, glass and brass portholes, and all those gorgeous latches were standard equipment.  We left only when the complaints about hunger and thirst reached a fever pitch.

Reese and I in front of Mighty Mary, the first all women America’s Cup boat.

walking through town, the boys spontaneously held each other’s hands. melting…

We took a brisk walk past one gorgeous historic home after another and we fell gratefully into a booth at Aiden’s Pub.  We enjoyed a hearty lunch with lots of banter and laughter and then took the kids to the playground, which is right on the water.  The view of the harbor was beautiful and the kids enjoyed running around and getting their energy out.

 

 

 

lunch at Aiden’s

 

What happens on Patronus, stays on Patronus…

We took the launch back to the boat for swimming, but the kids were tuckered out.  The adults did some swimming, paddle boarding, and went into the marina for showers while the kids relaxed and played games.  We ordered pizza and had it delivered to the marina.  It sounded like it would be easy and fun, but between the tired kids, the mosquitos, and the pretty awful pizza, it was a little stressful to say the least.  We were relieved when the kids fell asleep down below so that we could enjoy another clear night under the stars with our dear friends.

Patronus Swim Team (not pictured: Dave Armitage)

The next morning, we had some serious swimming practice for the Patronus Swim Team and the Patronus Paddle Board Yoga Club (Don’t laugh at me.  I’m still practicing, but that headstand will happen before the year is out!).

 

Lana is a natural on the SUP

 

don’t worry, yogis: I know my alignment needs work!

The water was brisk, but the exercise helped justify the donuts we ate for breakfast.  After a quick clean-up, we readied the boat for an easy sail back to Newport Harbor.  We moored the boat at the New York Yacht Club and headed back to Dave and Lana’s.

 

 

 

 

To Newport

September 3–September 5

I’m sure I’m sounding like a broken record with all this “Dave and Lana” stuff.  While hiking trails, museums, and new places are fun and exciting, there is absolutely nothing that compares to being with friends.  During this trip in particular, we spent so much time together that after the flurry of chatter, the “catching-up” talk about jobs, lives, and kids, we were able to dig in to what really matters.  We watched “The Secret” together and talked about the power of using our intentions and the Laws of Attraction to create our best lives.  We talked about what we really want in life and what changes we might incorporate to achieve our bliss.  We meditated together.  We listened to our favorite songs together.  We joked and laughed and smiled because we were in a place of complete security.  We each felt safe and loved enough to be completely ourselves.  No masks.  No worries about what the others would think if we opened our hearts and let them in.

Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend.

In the course of opening so completely, a lot came up for each of us.  Throughout the weekend, we had moments of stillness by ourselves and intimate conversations in twos as well as all talking together.  We all grew so much in the nurturing environment that we were a bit nervous about what would happen when we parted.  This precious space we had created was rich and warm, but temporary.  Would we lose momentum when our “regular lives” started back up?  I thought about how many times I had been to a yoga retreat, or had read an inspiring book, and had come away feeling so charged up and inspired to make changes, only to have that momentum fizzle out in the deluge of Life.  Luckily, it seems that the changes set under way this weekend were so big and life-altering that there is no going back for any of us.

The next morning, Dave had to leave for a business trip and Chris had work to do on the boat.  Lana and I stayed at home with the kids while it rained all day.  We worked together to clean out and reorganize their beautiful home.  It started with the laundry room and moved to the “junk drawers”, the basement, the kitchen, the bathrooms and linen closet, and finally, Lana’s closet (over the course of several days and going into our next trip to Newport).  I had a blast and Lana was getting inspired to start projects that had been on the back burner for awhile.  Chris, who enjoys seeing me throw things out about as much as he likes going to the dentist, escaped from the fray by doing his Fantasy Football drafts online.  It was a bit of a frantic end to our amazing time together, but we knew we’d be back in a week.  We just can’t seem to really leave Newport…

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” Albert Schweitzer

Organizational Therapy: Walking with Purpose

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While in Newport, I was sitting at the kitchen island in my friend Lana’s house.  She was cleaning her counters.  We had spent a few days working on her house together and we were taking a break between projects.  She told me that she had been on the phone with her mother that morning, telling her about the work we had been doing.  She said that as she spoke with her mom, she picked something up to put it away and found herself walking intently, with purpose, to the place where that object belonged.  It struck her that she had never walked quite like that before while cleaning up.  Then she realized that she was doing MY walk.  She had noticed the way that I move around my house on countless visits.  Apparently, I have this quick and determined way of marching around my house when I am cleaning up.  She did an impression of me as I sat at her kitchen island and I nearly fell on the floor laughing.  I recognized myself instantly even though I have never given a second’s thought about how I walk.

See Lana’s impression of me here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6RomyJiX7s

I have the organizational gene but I’m not interested in spending half my life cleaning.  So I’ve created systems wherever I live where everything has a place and when it gets messy, I go on a tear getting it back to normal.  There are certainly life factors that add to my need for structure, order, and cleanliness, but I think just as much of it is innate.  When I was growing up, I lived on a boat with my dad and also in an apartment with my mother.  I needed to be organized with my clothing, schoolwork, and schedule or I would end up needing my cross-country uniform for a meet only to realize it was at the place I was not.  Necessity is the mother of invention, and an insanely organized crazy person was invented in me back in the 1980’s!  Fast forward twenty years and I can barely make it through the day without labeling something with my label maker (in fact, I burned mine out while organizing Patronus.  Christmas gift tip….)

Lana’s mud room

Now that we are all settled on Patronus, I was itching to organize something.  One day, Lana went to the grocery store and when she came back I had organized her laundry room as a thank you for letting us do loads of wash.  I was getting ready to apologize in case she felt I had invaded her space, but she was really excited about it and loved how it looked.  I jumped up and down with excitement and might have clapped a little.  I begged her to let me do more.  She looked around and pretty much said, “Have at it.”

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” –William Morris

I had noticed that she had a junk drawer.  I’m not a big fan of junk drawers.  Who wants a drawer of “junk” in their home?  I suggested we go through it and set it up as a small outpost of her office, with a spot for keys, a cute bowl for coins, and basic office supplies.  After hearing my not-so-subtle tirade on the evils of junk drawers, she was a bit afraid to tell me that she actually had more than one junk drawer.  But I got very excited as I realized that this little exercise was turning into an actual PROJECT.  I love projects!!!

I cleared out a spot in the living room and brought all four junk drawers in and dumped them out in a pile.  At this point, Lana excused herself and allowed me carte blanche.  I called her in a few times to ask her if something was important, and she just called over, “Don’t even tell me.  I don’t want to know!”  Dave helped me identify keys, important receipts, and some other items and before long, we had a cute little “office drawer” and another drawer dedicated to electronics and chargers.  I can’t even describe the feelings I experienced as I put TWO EMPTY DRAWERS back in the kitchen.

Next up: the bathrooms and linen closet.  Lana and Dave have a great linen closet and several bathrooms.  But I had noticed that they weren’t set up as efficiently as they could be (that is me being very, very diplomatic).  After collecting health and beauty aids from every corner of the house (nail files from the old junk drawers, Q-Tips from the bedroom, humidifiers from Calan’s bedroom), we dumped everything on the floor of the hallway and set up the linen closet with shelves for towels, bins for first aid supplies, a “guest bag” to have for overnight guests, and all the typical categories for nail care, hair care, shaving, etc.

Earlier that day, Lana thought she was out of shampoo.  When we finished, we had -more shampoo than CVS.  I was compelled to institute my trademark “Use It And Get Rid of It” plan.  We brought all the random, half-used shampoos, conditioners, and body washes together and put them in the shower.  I explained how they had to keep using the items, starting with the ones that were emptiest, until they were all gone.  Then they could go to the store and buy two of each item in their favorite brand: one for the shower and one or two as back-up.  We do this “program” at home when the travel-sized health and beauty aids get out of control or when Chris can’t stop buying peanut butter on sale.  It’s very popular.  Just ask Chris and the kids…

Finally, I made labels for each drawer and shelf and made Lana promise to get a label maker.  She was excited about going out to buy some pretty baskets to jazz up her bathroom (did I just say “jazz up”?  What? Now that I’m forty I have to talk like my grandmother?).  She thought that the project might even get them motivated to finish the bathroom renovation they had started in their master bedroom!

Basement Storage: BEFORE

As opposed to satiating me, this project got me hungry for more.  But it was late and we needed to feed the kids.  As we finished eating, I suggested that Lana go downstairs and “eyeball” the basement storage room so that we could work on it some other time.  She procrastinated for a bit, so I headed her off at the pass when we kissed the kids goodnight in the basement playroom.  I started talking to her about what was in there, what she used the storage room for, and how she envisioned it in her dreams.  As I spoke, I picked up a box and peeked inside.  I pulled something out that was broken so Lana put it in the garbage.

Basement Storage: AFTER

And that was all she wrote.  Quicker than you can spend $1000 in West Marine, we had every box opened up, on the floor, sorted out, repacked, and back on the shelf.  Lana was bringing box after box of items up to the garage for the dump or to be donated.  Next thing we knew, our plan to “eyeball” the room had turned into three hours and we got the room 80% finished.  She needed Dave to help make some decisions on the rest of it and she couldn’t wait for him to get home to do it.

We left the next day and when Dave came home, they banged out the rest of the project.  Lana was so excited when she called to report back that she and Dave were inspired and on a roll.  Over the next week, they were on a tear through their house.  The little that Lana and I had done together had jump started them to find the motivation to tackle a number of clean-up projects in and around the house, from getting rid of old electronics to cutting back the ivy that was encroaching upon the driveway.  Every time I spoke to one of them, they were moving forward.

The most gratifying part of the experience was seeing how light and open their beautiful home was becoming.  No longer bogged down by years of possessions (not to mention the weight it puts on our shoulders), it appeared happy and ready for some new fun.  Lana and Dave reported back that they, too, were feeling light and unburdened.  The work had gotten them working together as a team, communicating about their home and belongings, and refocusing on what was important to them: their children and their own relationship.  Wow, right?

A week later, after a lovely time in Martha’s Vineyard, we returned for the Newport Boat Show.  We were sad that Dave was away in Chicago, sailing in the Farr 40 pre-worlds (which they won).  It was amazing to see how much they had done in the house in one short week and how much of an effect it had on Lana.  Speaking to Dave on the phone, he was just as excited and happy to have a home that now reflected his love of order.  Lana was game for more, so we hit the kitchen cabinets next.

“Simplify, simplify, simplify,” said Emerson.

Thoreau replied, “One simplify would do, Ralph.”

(I found this online.  It’s authenticity is more than questionable, but it’s super funny.  Well, for an organizational bibliophile geek like me.)

Kitchen: DURING

You know how things always look much worse before they look better?  Here’s a picture of the project about two hours in!  We had every cabinet emptied and were tackling each category one by one: pots and pans, Tupperware, baking dishes, platters, spices, etc.  Lana was ruthless.  We picked each item up once and she made a decision: throw out, donate, or keep.  We made countless trips to the garage and I could tell that Lana couldn’t wait to make her next trip to the dump.  In fact, packed her van to the roof and dropped off a full load at Big Brothers and Big Sisters before the weekend was out and arranged for another pickup of items she wanted to donate this week!

Please don’t try this at home

By the next morning, Lana was practically whistling as she made pancakes.  She said she loved where everything was now located.  It was efficient and made sense.  She was able to get her electric griddle out without moving her mixer, cleaning supplies, and crawling on the ground.  I was just happy that the “Fish Food/Coupons/Water Bottle” drawer had been dismantled.  If you have a similar drawer in your house, like a “dish towel/incense” drawer, please just don’t tell me.  I am finally able to sleep again at night…

 

Kitchen: AFTER

We only had one more day before we left Newport.  We could have competed in a triathlon together (but Lana injured herself playing soccer and I came to the realization that I really don’t like running).  We could have taken the kids to the corn maze (but they were so happy just playing and running around).  We could have gone to her Women’s League soccer game (but then we wouldn’t get to talk to each other since she’d be playing).  Instead, we spent our last hours together going through her closet.

Clothes!  I had reached the mother lode.  Everyone who loves to organize appreciates the fact that clothes pose a deeper and more difficult challenge.  Our homes are certainly close to our hearts.  Our possessions can hold special meaning and we can be loathe to part with that chipped vase we got as an anniversary gift twelve years ago.  But clothes can be more personal.  More sentimental and emotional.  And clothes have the added wallop of making you look right smack in the face of your Body Image.

The way we dress ourselves clearly tells a lot about us.  Sloppy, neat, colorful, plain, conservative, trampy, minimalist, anti-establishment, accessorized, creative, really-trying-hard, varied, old-fashioned, refusing-to-grow-up, modern, and more can be conveyed by the way we put together one top and one bottom.  Some people care more.  Some people care less.  But we all dress ourselves and we all put some amount of thought into what we purchase and choose to put on.

Collecting all the bins of clothes from the attic

At this point in working on Lana’s house, I was so impressed by her ability to get rid of things, make quick decisions, and move on, that I was surprised when we didn’t get very far before I met with some resistance.  Lana is not interested in all the current styles and doesn’t enjoy shopping.  She has two sisters and much of her wardrobe consists of clothing that was given to her as gifts for holidays or passed on to her.  When going through her clothes, I saw mostly all the same things I’ve seen her wear since I met her in 1996. It was frightening for her to see these familiar and comforting things go into the “donate” pile.

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” –Albert Einstein (who is now cringing to think that his insightful words of wisdom are being used to explain how someone figures out their relationship with their clothing.)

When I told her my philosophy for dressing, Lana became fearful that she would be left with an empty closet.

“Only keep what makes you feel absolutely gorgeous.”

This concept took a while to sink in.  We stopped going through clothes and just talked for a bit about feeling beautiful and gorgeous.  She argued that she isn’t into clothes and doesn’t want to spend a lot of time on it.  I told her that I completely agree but that if you just fill your closet with a few great, flattering outfits, you never have to think about clothes again.  You know that any outfit you put on will look FABULOUS.  It is just as easy to pull on ugly, outdated, unflattering pants as it is to pull on wonderful ones.

Making piles, in my glory…

She would hold up a sweater and say, “I like this sweater.  I’m keeping it.”  I asked her why she liked it.  “It’s feminine.  It’s good to wear in the summer.”  I asked her how she felt in it.   “I like it.  I’m keeping it.”  I noted that she wasn’t convincing me that she felt beautiful in it.  I told her about a shirt I had that was amazing and pretty.  I bought it for that reason.  But when I put it on, it just wasn’t flattering for my body.  I wanted so much to love it, but even though it really was a beautiful shirt, I always felt a bit self-conscious and not my most beautiful in it.  I eventually decided that it would be better if someone else enjoyed it.

We went through her closet and found three outfits that at least came close to making her feel gorgeous.  We determined what it was about these items that was different than the rest.  Once Lana believed that there might exist more clothes out there in the world that could make her feel the way these three outfits did, she was much more inclined to get rid of the clothes that do not.  There she found the opportunity to see herself living life in a slightly different way.

“I wore it when I was in Erica’s wedding in 1999” is NOT a reason to keep a dress!

The other reasons for keeping clothing were easier to let go of: my relative gave it to me (you wore it, you appreciated the thought, let it go); I look good in pink (yeah, but it’s from 1986); it’s comfortable (they make comfortable clothes that make you feel gorgeous); it’s practical (they make practical clothes that make you feel gorgeous); etc., etc. By the way, somehow the bridesmaid’s dress ended up in my pile!  Soon I’ll need someone to come to MY closet!

Closet: AFTER

In the end, Lana’s closet was almost empty.  But what she had left were pants that looked really great on her and a bunch of tops that were modern, flattering, youthful, and comfortable.  She had enough variety to go through all the seasons and had outfits for working out, picking the kids up from school, or going on a hot date with Dave.  Her homework included buying a new pair of Lucky jeans and finding a great, versatile pair of black pants from Ann Taylor.  The new plan did NOT involve “losing weight”, “getting back into those size 6 pants”, or “learning to like how I look”.  The new plan didn’t involve any big changes at all.  Lana looks absolutely fabulous, right now, in everything that is in that closet.  Yay!!!

Garage full of items to be donated/thrown away!

It was still a shock to look at the piles of clothing Lana was getting rid of.  She went through a lot of emotions about the sentimentality of her clothing as well as thinking long and hard about body image.  While still a bit scared, Lana noted that she already felt lighter.  She was so happy that she would never again have to move those bins of clothes up to the attic for summer and back down again for winter and through move after move.  She was even excited about going through her shoes after we left.

“The best things in life… aren’t things.” –Art Buchwald

It was such a privilege for me to spend this time with my soul friend.  I love that I had this small, little gift to share with her.  I love that her gifts of friendship to me are never-ending and given just as freely.  As she sashayed down the dock yesterday to bid us farewell, I noticed not her clothes, but the look of beauty, confidence, and energy in her face.  Happy Re-birth-day, Lana!  If only we had a few more days and a label maker…NOTE: Stay tuned for a follow-up Guest Blog by Lana, describing the experience from her perspective.